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brink of radicalism

words from me in my quest to find peace
On the brink of radicalism, I wander between feeling positive and depressed. I open the news and there is always another thing to fight against. The judiciary system in this country never ceases to amaze me. I look at the headlines on Portland indymedia and I see stories about Kendra James getting shot by a cop for apparently no reason. I see that Jeff "free" Leurs is spending the next two decades in jail because he set a fire to some cars. Last week I read an article that said a woman was convicted of selling her child on the street for 2500 dollars. She was sentenced to six fucking months. Repeat... SIX FUCKING MONTHS with a possibility of five years of probation. She sold that child because of her problems with drugs and alcohol. How is it that this woman can sell another being and get a slap on the wrist, while another man was making a statement on how we can SAVE lives and he won't be out of jail until twenty years after this woman is allowed to walk free. I wonder how I am going to choose my battles. I wonder if this is the only fight for me. I wonder if I will let activism take my life away. I wonder if I am dedicated enough to risk it all. I get this feeling that I am worth far more out here whether it be protesting, petitioning, letter writing, outreach, sitting in trees, or smashing the state with everything I have. I am worth more, and the movement benefits from me being here, on the outside, safe and sound behind my pretty little computer, in my pretty little office on this pretty little street. They try to make me scared to speak my mind and take the actions I see as appropriate. They tell me that they can look at the books I take out of the library, or the sites I visit online. They tell me that if me and my friends want to protest we have to stay on the sidewalks with a permit, and a police escort. What am I going to do when the time comes for me to get out of this fear and really do something? What am I going to do when I don't feel like protesting anymore? Who will I be when they have scared me into that little corner of conformity? How will I feel as a static member of this world who has no idea what he wants? It will never happen. If they scare me off the streets, I will wander in the alleys. If they scare me out of the libraries I will buy my books with cash. If they scare my off the computer I will be out in my community with literature talking about what I know, to people who don't know. When the petitions have failed for the last fucking time, I will use them to start a fire for the homeless to warm themselves by. I am not afraid to be different from the majority of Americans. In fact I feel that by doing what I do I am giving the information needed for people to become more aware of the trash that gets thrown around on the daily news, I am bringing the majority closer to the truth. I will not give up. I will give my entire self to fight against oppression and injustice whether it be within myself, or within my community, or outward around the world I will not stop fighting. Diversity of tactics is our strength and we are willing to exhaust all the means and energy that we have, but we need to come together. I need to feel comfortable walking into a tree-sit without feeling like I will be judged by the length of my hair, or whether my shoes are made of leather, or how many time I have climbed a tree. We need to respect those who are willing to even give the slightest bit of effort in dismantling the systems that have corrupted the human mind. We need to adjust our actions, to fit our level of risk. We need to organize with and without leaders, non-violently and in self defense, in the trees and on the streets. This is our world and we need to take it back, one piece at a time and all at once. I can no longer assume that I am safe in my little town of Eugene where cops shoot pepper spray and concussion grenades, and barge into peoples houses in the middle of the night only to find that they have fucked up... again. As much as they say that its true, we are not safe, we are not secure from the terror of other nations, nor are we safe from the terror and murder our own country drops down on us. It is up to us to confront this machine that puts us in the way of retaliatory violence, and break that cycle. It is up to us to reclaim the media, and turn off our TV's and realize that they are infiltrating our living rooms. "TV is not real, but the addiction is.". I know you are out there, and I know that you are fighting right there next to me, feeling the same things I am feeling, and I love that idea, that we are all ready to do something, that we are already doing something, and that something more needs to be done. I thank all of you who do something, an urge those of you who do not do anything... to do something... anything. No more business as usual