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Swami Beyondananda's State of the Universe 2003

I think it's time for a little humor/reality. I love the way my old friend from N. Cal. uses humor to make a statement. WE ALL ARE TOO SERIOUS MOST OF THE TIME !
Swami Beyondananda's State of the Universe 2003
Swami Beyondananda's State of the Universe 2003
Swami's 2003 State of the Universe Address
By Swami Beyondananda

Hello everybody -- it is great to be here ... and you know what? We
really have no choice. Because no matter where we are, we are always
here. And it is always now. In fact, there's even a book called The
Power of Now. I haven't had time to read it yet, but I hope to get to
it in a later now.

Meanwhile, back in this now, the issue facing the United States, and
indeed the world is, will George Bush give in to his Big Iraq Attack
and order up a war? Latest reports say that a war to force a regime
change in Iraq will cost $200 billion. It is puzzling to me why some
of those fiscal fitness fanatics in the Republican Party haven't tried
to find a cheaper way to do it. Maybe if they offered the Iraqis
half -- $100 billion -- they could do it themselves. Then we'd still
have $100 billion left to spend on regime change in this country.

Because -- and I have to be blunt here -- the folks we have in charge
are fossils fueled by fossil fuels. And in the reptilian brain,
problems aren't solved, they're attacked. Like the War on Poverty.

Remember that? I'm happy to report that it's finally over. The poor
people have all surrendered. And take the War on Drugs -- please!
How many billions have they spent? My solution is cheaper and more
effective ... improve reality!

Now we have the War on Terrorism. We're going to terrorize those
terrorists into giving up terrorism if it's the last thing we do! And
it just might be. The good news is -- and I have it on the Highest
Authority -- there will indeed be peace on Earth. Whether we humans
are around to enjoy it, that is up to us.

No wonder there is so much fear, uncertainty and confusion on the
planet. I'll tell you how bad it's gotten. You've heard of
Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle? Well, they're not even sure about
THAT anymore. And so, more and more people are turning to the
mystics for answers.

I have often said there are two kinds of mystics, the optimystics and
the pessimystics. Now pessimystics seem to be more in touch with
"reality," but optimystics are happier and live longer for some
reason. The pessimystics have been crying, "The sky is falling, the
sky is falling!" The optimystics say, "No. It just looks that way
because we are ascending."

Now, for those people who read the news -- not to mention those
unfortunate enough to BE in the news -- last year was not an easy year
to keep an optimystic attitude with so much pessimystic evidence.

Call me a hopeless "hopium" addict, but I choose to accentuate the
positive. For example, you can say we human beings have moved
further down the path of self-destruction. Or you could say the
Earth is ridding itself of a virulent parasite.

You can despair over continuing war, disease and starvation, or you
cango, "Hey, population control the good, old fashioned way --
without birth control or abortion." Who says "compassionate
conservative" is an oxymoron?

You can worry about the government taking liberties with our
liberties or you can say, "Life has become simpler! They've
boiled the Bill of Rights down to just one: You have the right
to remain silent."

So I am not going to dwell on the negative. As my guru Harry Cohen
Baba used to say, "Life is like photography ... we use the negative to
develop." So let us look at the bright side.

Like technological advances, for example. Forty years ago President
John F. Kennedy promised to have a man on the moon by the end of the
1960s. Well, we have far exceeded that. Thanks to the so-called
Patriot Act, George Bush can have a man on Uranus by the end of the

George Bush was responsible for a great spiritual advance last year,
as well. He upgraded the Golden Rule for the new millennium. It's
now the Gold Rule: "Doodoo unto others before they can doodoo unto

And -- say what you will -- President Bush has made great strides on
behalf of minority representation. Never before have we had a
President who was looking out for a smaller minority.

Now this is the State of the Universe Address, and seen from that
higher perspective, things look great! I am happy to report that the
Universe continued to expand in 2002, and in fact, they actually had
to let the Photon Belt out a another notch. An expanding Universe
means more jobs too, so we can expect a steady influx of aliens
looking for work. Yep, the Universe just keeps purring in perfection,
ever-changing as usual. The planets continue to harmoniously
spin in their orbits, and except for the occasional case of
asteroids, they just calmly go about their business.

Meanwhile, back here on earth, things are a bit more problematical.
We still haven't fully recovered from that vicious dogma attack of
911. But as an optimystic, I believe you can indeed teach an old
dogma new tricks, simply by changing the emPHAsis to another
sylLABle. Insteadof focusing only on emergency measures, why
not take emerge 'n SEE measures?

When we emerge from our fearful hiding places and see from the cosmic
comic perspective, we realize that beneath all the stress and distress
and sadness in life there is a deep well of joy. Each time we let
laughter bubble up from the well, we experience deep wellness. Levity
helps us overcome gravity, especially when we shine the light of
laughter on those poorly-lit corridors of power.

Do you know what the leading cause of terrorism is? It's
seriousness. I'm serious. Think about it. Those people have no
sense of humor. Otherwise how could they believe they will get
to heaven by putting other people through hell? Here is my vision:
A suicide bomber arrives at the Gates of Heaven, and God clops
him over the head and says, "SCHMUCK! What'd you do that for?
72 virgins? YOU get one 72-year-old virgin, and his name starts
with Ayatollah!"

But if Americans are willing to revive the Iraqi Horror Picture Show
just to feed our out-of-control oil habit, how are we that different?
How many innocents will be put through hell, just to preserve our
little corner of relative heaven? There is no real peace without
harmony and balance, only the vicious cycle of injustice. Peons
get tired of getting peed on, right? You get pissed on, and pretty
soon you're gonna get pissed off. This causes the hot spots to
flare, and pretty soon you have an uprising, which usually results in
a downfall. All these uprisings and downfalls can be wearing on
the body politic.

Fortunately, we do have a choice. One of my favorite stories
recently is about a Native American grandfather talking to his
young grandson. He tells the boy he has two wolves inside of
him struggling with each other. The first is the wolf of peace,
love and kindness. The other wolf is fear, greed and hatred.

"Which wolf will win, grandfather?" asks the young boy.

"Whichever one I feed," is the reply.

Every day -- every moment -- we have the choice to feed the
wolf of love or the wolf of fear. It is interesting that we are
called humanKIND. What better time than now to find out, can mankind
treat man kindly?

I have a dream ... I call it tell-a-vision. I say, if you're
dissatisfied with the current programming, you can turn off your TV
and tell a vision instead. Here is my vision: Remember the Manhattan
Project during World War II? It took less than four years for a group
of scientists to develop the first weapon of mass destruction. My
vision is, we can do even better for an even worthier goal. We could
call it the Manhelpin' Project, and its purpose would be to develop
the first weapon of mass construction instead.

Think about it. What if we used that $200 billion set to detonate in
Iraq, and put it toward becoming the worldwide leader in renewable,
clean, sustainable energy sources? Now there's some real power.
Create something so plentiful you don't have to pay an army to
protect your share. A healthy income, a healthy outcome ... what
could possibly make more sense? Boy, talk about feeding two birds
with one scone!

The choice is up to us. If we want an alternative, we must feed the
"alter native" economy ... anything that alters us natives for the
better. The world we live in is a byproduct of the products we buy,
is it not? What if we only choose to buy products with healthy
byproducts? Think about this: There are at least 45 million
Americans who consciously want to feed the wolf of peace. If each
of us switched just $100 into the alter native economy, that would
be $4.5 billion!

Last year, we launched a blisskrieg and declared "all out peace."
I'm happy to report it is already working. More people are letting
their inner peace out, and these outbreaks of peace are actually
causing esteem to rise! And we all know that rising esteem is good
for the atmosphere. As esteem rises, more people on the planet will
be able to be all that they can be -- without joining the army. And
when more of us put our energy into love and laughter instead of
criticizing and condemning, we will have Uncritical Mass ... and we
will bring aboutNonjudgment Day, and along with it, Disarmaggedon.
Now you might be wondering, what will Nonjudgment Day look like?

Let me tell another vision.

I have been to the heights of levity, and I have seen people all over
the world dancing together in the universal dance of fool realization
... The Hokey Pokey. I want you to hold this vision with me: all of
the world leaders at the United Nations beginning their sessions with
the Hokey Pokey. What if Ariel Sharon and Yasser Arafat put their
whole selves in in? That would be commitment. And then pulled
their whole selves out. That is detachment. Then they turn
themselves around, which is transformation. And that, my friends,
is what it is all about!

So, how can you help raise the laugh force on the planet enough to
bring about Nonjudgment Day? First, you can take a vow of levity, and
laugh more. And we even have a Laughmore Society to help you do just
that. Next, you can support everyone's right to laugh by joining the
Right To Laugh Party ... "One big party, everyone is invited. All for
fun, and fun for all."

Commit random acts of comedy. Practice Fun Shui and leave the world
a funnier place. Anything to elicit a moment of of fool-realization
with a spark of laughter. Because only when we lovingly laugh at our
foolishness, can we seriously change things for the better . May you
wake up laughing and leave laughter in your wake ... and may the Farce
be with you!

Copyright 2003 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved. To find
out more about the Swami, and how you can promote healing laughter and
transformational comedy through the Laughmore Society and the
Right-To-Laugh movement, go to


or call Swami's hotline at