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French's Unimpressive Military History

Well...win some lose some...unless you're France and then you lose pretty much all of them.
France's history of military failure

The military history of France:

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied.

War of the Augsburg League / King William's War / French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The war also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome," and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel song.

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?" but, rather, "How long until France collapses?"

homepage: homepage: http://www.wnd.com/letters.asp

SO 12.Feb.2003 12:00


So, the French don't agree with Dubya and his ilk. So now the demonizing of the French begins. Well, I've been to France, and I can attest to the fact that they don't have cloven feet or heads of dogs. They don't boil their children in blood, and they don't have bodies covered in hair like livestock. They are human beings, just like Americans, just like Iraqi's, the same as all of us.

This is the first trick a people pull when they decide to go up against another people. Make them seem less that human. Once they appear less than human, then it is alright to brush them aside, because hell, they're not really people. They're stupid. To stupid to make war and create mass murder. Why should we concern ourselves with the opinion of a bunch of French sub humans who can't even fill the streets with rivers of blood?

Quite a little trick. Not a new one though. It is the habit of aggressors to paint those who stand in their way as sub human. We've already done it to the Iraqi children. 500,000 little sub humans who didn't deserve to be seen as human by the republican and democratic religions, not to mention the christian religions. And now they are dead at the hands of America. Little non humans. I guess? Only American children are human?

The same thing happened to the black African slaves, the Native Americans, the Jews, the Gypsies, the Homosexuals, the Palestinians. That's right. Strip them of their humanity, then it is far easier to kill them or consider their opinion mote.

If one, and I mean one Iraqi child is killed because of this republican/democrat/christian religion and their war, then the war cannot be justified. Peace

'demonising' the french 12.Feb.2003 12:20


so funny to see these Freepers become pissed at the "frogs" . . .

especially since the French are also in it for self-interest--they don't like the idea of the US screwing up Franco-Iraqi oil arrangements.

as Tsalagi said, all that the Bu$h Bootlickers can possibly do is dehumanize *anyone* who dares to differ with them.

What threatens their manhood?

France could nuke us if they wanted to--