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imperialism & war

The State of the Union Address (my version)

I'd love to be GWB's speech writer for this one. He's got a lot to say, and there is a lot that needs to be said. Unfortunately, I think they'll tone it down and be a bit less than candid.

If I were the speech writer, and had a free hand to 'tell it like it is,' here's what I'd have him say in his State of the Union address:
Good evening America

- We suffered a setback on 9/11 but Osama hasn't been heard from since. We're thinking he may have retired to Tora Bora.

- That asshole Bill Clinton is gone, gone, gone. And that other asshole Al Gore is gone too. We haven't had to suffer either one of them for quite a while now. That's big! The remaining assholes have no standing and few followers. I'm thinking of pricks like Noam Chomsky, Ralph Nader, Ramsey Clark, Tom Daschle, and Gore Vidal.

- We stand fully behind Ariel Sharon and the state of Israel. We stand against terrorism wherever it may be. We stand against Hamas. We stand against Yasser Arafat's dysfunctional government because they support Hamas and other terrorist groups. We fully support Israel's policy of assassinating terrorist leaders. We hope to do more of that ourselves.

- We enjoy freedom of speech in this country, which means we have an extraordinary toleration for assholes. For example, we tolerate Pacifica Radio, Indymedia, and other Anti-American disinformation vendors who border on treason. To them I would say, "Watch your back you assholes." We should put a head tax on street rabble. If you're going to march up and down with silly signs you should pay at least $100 per head whenever you show up and one of your silly marches (huge applause from the audience).

- I'd like to bid Saddam adeu, adios, bye-bye. He's soon to be history. I don't think a war will be required. If it is, then expect it to be over in two weeks maximum with minimal loss of American lives. We can't depend on Saddam to do as we wish, but we can depend on his military to fold immediately when confronted with real soldiers. Saddam is the Noriega of this decade.

- And hello to North Korea and the Mullah's in Iran. Keep your televisions tuned to the Iraq channel. You're next, you assholes.

By the way, have you seen Osama?

- Oh yes, the economy. We're stuck in a major recession. I like to call it the "Clinton Recession." Here's the plan for putting that behind us. We're going to: 1/ Privatise Social Security over a 25 year period, 2/ Outlaw labor unions, 3/ Cancel foreign aid, 4/ Cut taxes a whole lot and cut them for those who pay them, 5/ Establish a blue ribbon congressional committee, headed by Tom Delay, to review and reduce government regulation of corporations. We need to get our fingers out of the pie and let Capitalism do it's magic.

Thank you all for your support. I'm astounded to know that my Presidential approval ratings have continued to be almost as high as the great Ronald Reagan. That's humbling. I appreciate your support. I'll continue to earn your respect with my good work.

Bye for now,

W