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corporate dominance | imperialism & war

Urgent letter from bush

Here is an urgent letter from pr bush regarding his need for funds immediately!

immediate attention needed : highly confidential
from: george walker bush
202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
fax: 202.456.2461

dear sir / madam,

i am george walker bush, son of the former president of the united states of america george herbert walker bush, and currently serving as president of the united states of america. this letter might surprise you because we have not met neither in person nor by correspondence. i came to know of you in my search for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential business transaction, which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to an account requiring maximum confidence.

i am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistance in acquiring oil funds that are presently trapped in the republic of iraq. my partners and i solicit your assistance in completing a transaction begun by my father, who has long been actively engaged in the extraction of petroleum in the united states of america, and bravely served his country as director of the united states central intelligence agency.

in the decade of the nineteen-eighties, my father, then vice-president of the united states of america, sought to work with the good offices of the president of the republic of iraq to regain lost oil revenue sources in the neighboring islamic republic of iran. this unsuccessful venture was soon followed by a falling out with his iraqi partner, who sought to acquire additional oil revenue sources in the neighboring emirate of kuwait, a wholly-owned u.s.-british subsidiary.

my father re-secured the petroleum assets of kuwait in 1991 at a cost of sixty-one billion u.s. dollars ($61,000,000,000). out of that cost, thirty-six billion dollars ($36,000,000,000) were supplied by his partners in the kingdom of saudi arabia and other persian gulf monarchies, and sixteen billion dollars ($16,000,000,000) by german and japanese partners. but my father's former iraqi business partner remained in control of the republic of iraq and its petroleum reserves.

my family is calling for your urgent assistance in funding the removal of the president of the republic of iraq and acquiring the petroleum assets of his country, as compensation for the costs of removing him from power. unfortunately, our partners from 1991 are not willing to shoulder the burden of this new venture, which in its upcoming phase may cost the sum of 100 billion to 200 billion dollars ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), both in the initial acquisition and in long-term management.

without the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be able to acquire the oil revenue trapped within iraq. that is why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking your gracious assistance. our distinguished colleagues in this business transaction include the sitting vice-president of the united states of america, richard cheney, who is an original partner in the iraq venture and former head of the halliburton oil company, and condoleeza rice, whose professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in the naming of a chevron oil tanker after her.

i would beseech you to transfer a sum equaling ten to twenty-five percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our account to aid in this important venture. the internal revenue service of the united states of america will function as our trusted intermediary. i propose that you make this transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of the month of april.

i know that a transaction of this magnitude would make anyone apprehensive and worried. but i am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. a bold step taken shall not be regretted, i assure you. please do be informed that this business transaction is 100% legal. if you do not wish to co-operate in this transaction, please contact our intermediary representatives to further discuss the matter.

i pray that you understand our plight. my family and our colleagues will be forever grateful. please reply in strict confidence to the contact numbers below.

sincerely with warm regards,

george walker bush
switchboard: 202.456.1414
comments: 202.456.1111
fax: 202.456.2461
email: president@whitehouse.gov

great parody 26.Jan.2003 15:24


I've been having fun responding to all the junk email I get, and pasting this into the text. Does anybody have any better ideas for how to make this as popular as the nigerian email scam? how do you make a spam program?

SPAM is Bad, m'kay? 26.Jan.2003 17:35


Don't SPAM, because when you SPAM, you hurt others, m'kay children? Mmm'kay.

Instead, email your local and state reps, and those "leaders" in the White House. You can get their addresses by going to www.whitehouse.gov (not to be confused with whitehouse.com, a porn site) or for example oregon.gov for Oregon's government reps.

Indeed, No Need to Spam 27.Jan.2003 09:17


Just do what I did--I emailed it to 3 or 4 friends, who forwarded it to 3 or 4 friends each, who....

If you think this is too slow, remember the old "doubling" story.

A king wished to reward a sage who had done a great service. He asked the sage what he would like. "Here is a calendar of this month, Your Majesty. If you would place a penny on the first date, two pennies on the second, four on the third, eight on the fourth, and so on, until you reach the 31st day, that would be more than enough." The king protested that surely such a small handful of pennies was too little a reward! But the sage insisted, and the king finally agreed.

How many pennies did the sage end up with? Go on, add it up. 1 + 2 + 4 + 8 + 16 +... (Hint: The answer is in the billions.)