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imperialism & war

Dubya's NIght Before Xmas

rewrite of The Night Before Xmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the land
Every soldier was stirring, down to the last man;
The bombers were ready to take off when they heard
From Me or Dick Cheney-whoever gave the word

The inspectors were nestled all snug in Iraq
After looking for weapons in every falafel shack;
And Laura in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out in the desert there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the cell phone I flew like a bird,
Dialed the Pentagon real quick and here's what I heard.

The Iraqis had lied on page ten thousand and seven
This meant I could call down the bombers from heaven,
When, what to my wondering eyes should I see,
But a mustached man right in front of me.
His uniform told me, it was all so plain
I knew in a moment it was Saddam Hussein.

More rapid than eagles my coursers they came,
And I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
Now, Cheney! Now, Rumsfeld! Now, Perle and Franks!
On, Daschle! On Ashcroft, Poindexter, send tanks!
To the top of the porch! To the war room real quick!
I'm finally gonna get to use my big stick!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the Pentagon the coursers they flew,
With their fists full of bombs and a war plan, too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard CNN
Tell the world the Bush's were bombing Baghdad again.
As I raised my fist and gave a quick shout
I heard Saddam Hussein calling me out.

He was dressed in fatigues, from his head to his foot,
His clothes were all tarnished with depleted uranium soot;
A band of his guards stood all around
"You're toast!" I told him. "I'm taking you down!"

His eyes - they were blazing. His face it was raging.
His fists were clenched tightly, His anger needed caging!
His poor little country was being bombed once again
Because my daddy and I were big oilmen;

The buildings in Baghdad and Basra were falling,
And I knew at that moment I had found my true calling;
Osama bin Laden was dangerous but so hard to find,
Iraq is a country and so easy to mine.

Saddam was standing there, a very angry man
He knew that Iraq would soon be ExxonMobil's land;
We like our cheap oil in the US of A,
And we'll kill anybody who gets in our way;

I knew in the morning that the protestors would shout,
"End the war now, Get the US out!"
Ashcroft and Ridge would take care of them-
That's what Homeland Security is all about.

I ran to the telephone, my Dad was on the line
"The bombs look good son, you're doing quite fine."
My mom got on next, she was happy as sin,
"Your daddy's so happy, as long as we win."

-Ron Jacobs, with apologies to Clement Moore, Henry Livingston (or whoever wrote the original.)
That could use some background music. 18.Dec.2002 08:04

Relatively Exact

Why not use the same instrumentation and a similar structure to the "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies" from Tschaikowsky's "The Nutcracker Suite", only base the melody on "America the Beautiful" (but with a bit more dissonant harmony)?

Maybe someone with a bit more free time than me could get funky with a MIDI composing app.