RJR COMPLETES BUY OF AMERICAN SPIRIT
Shuffles Executives Across Brands
January 16, 2002
By Cara B. DiPasquale
CHICAGO (AdAge.com) -- R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Holdings, parent of R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Co., today completed its $340 million acquisition of Santa Fe Natural Tobacco Co., the maker of niche cigarette Natural American Spirit.
 http://www.adage.com/news.cms?newsId=33835
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Story: TOBACCO SMUGGLING: TOBACCO INDUSTRY, INTERNATIONAL CRIME SYNDICATES AND DRUG DEALERS LIGHT UP
The Bush administration not only has deep ties to oil and aluminum, but also to tobacco interests. Karl Rove, a longtime Bush friend who now holds the title of senior advisor to the president, was a paid political consultant for Philip Morris for five years; Deputy attorney general Larry Thompson was a lawyer for the Atlanta law firm King and Spalding, which represented the Canadian Tobacco Manufacturers Council. Attorney General John Ashcroft, and President Bush himself, are also considered friends of big tobacco.
This casts doubt on whether the new U.S. administration will continue to invest resources into investigating tobacco smuggling, a multi-billion dollar industry. A new report by the Center for Public Integrity's International Consortium of Investigative Journalists asserts that, while tobacco manufacturers often blame smuggling on organized crime, tobacco company officials at Philip Morris, British American Tobacco and R. J. Reynolds have worked closely with companies and individuals directly connected to organized crime around the world.
Corporate documents, court records and internal government reports also show that these companies have orchestrated smuggling networks variously in the US, Canada, Europe, Southeast Asia, China, Colombia, the Middle East and Africa as a major part of their marketing strategy.
http://www.webactive.com/webactive/pacifica/demnow/dn20010306.html
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Packman
A non-smoker (I swear to God)
In a recent address to the nation, President George W. Bush announced a new campaign against the nation's tobacco users.
"We have ample evidence," he said, "to suggest that smokers have long been conspiring with Osama bin Laden and his rogues. They are plotting the overthrow of the universe."
When asked how smokers are implicated in this scheme, Bush replied, "There is a secret society of tobacco giants who inscribe encoded messages on each pack of cigarettes. The buyers then decipher these codes using complex equations, and proceed to utilize that information for the purpose of overthrowing the government."
As an example, Bush described a discovery he made on a pack of Camel cigarettes. He said that on the front haunches of every Camel, there is a man standing with what appears to be an erect penis. "That is their symbol," Bush said, "so let this be a warning to all Americans--whenever you see the profile of an erect man, assume your dealing with these madmen."
However, that is only the beginning of the tobacco companies' subliminal messages. "It's like looking into those Magic Eye pictures," he added. "If you stare at it long enough, all kinds of things jump out at you."
R.J. Reynold's Tobacco Company, makers of Camel cigarettes, flatly denied these allegations. "It's absurd," said Camel's spokesman. "Bush is creating some off-the-wall conspiracy theory in order to boost his ratings. Let's face it: smoking isn't exactly a popular activity anymore." The spokesperson would not comment when the press asked him about his personal frequency of erections.
A recent poll supports R.J. Reynolds' statement: the president's approval rating has skyrocketed. 89% of Americans say Bush is our best leader since Reagan, and the remaining 11% (who happen to be confessed smokers) think Bush is a lunatic. The numbers are polarized, but that's the way Bush wants it.
"I don't give a hoot if those tobacco fiends like me or not. They will all be dead soon anyway!"
This last statement has been the cause of some controversy and concern. Senator Paul Wellstone, prefacing his statement by condemning the act of smoking, said, "I hope he means the reduced life expectancy of tobacco users, and not eradicating them."
There is some suggestion that Bush intends the latter. As of January 1, he will be gathering all known smokers to a hidden base in Utah, in his words, "to interrogate these individuals and discover the extent of this collusion."
In a press conference after the address, Bush was asked how smokers are linked with the Al-Qaida network. "We've found nothing direct as of yet, but when you consider the inherent evil in each group, there must be some connection." Then Bush became visibly angry. "While I'm on this Earth, these bastards cannot and will not live on. I was put here to stamp out evil, and God willing, I will prevail!"
Smokers across the country are reeling in fear. John Mellencamp, who confessed smoking heavily, said, "I used to smoke four packs a day, but I had a heart attack, so I had to cut down to two. Now it seems in order to save my life, I'll have to quit altogether. I just don't know if I can do it." He is currently writing a song entitled, "The Smokers' Song," with the chorus, "Fight authority all you want but smokers always lose."
The president's address came two days after R.J. Reynolds announced that they would buy out the American Spirit tobacco company for $300 million. Bush immediately saw a link: "I always respected the people over at American Spirit. They don't put any additives in their tobacco, you know. I suspect that they were about to blow the whistle on these activities and R.J. Reynolds needed to shut them up."
Bush finished his address with a warning to the nation's smokers: "The time is now to break all ties with evil. We are watching you, so do not think you can hide your addiction. The U.S. Government does not tolerate terrorism and we will not tolerate you."
On January 1, the nation's smokers are being asked to report to the nearest FBI field office for detainment.