A fun game: make up critical mass newspaper headline--closest one wins prize!

How about "Police Nickel and Dime Peaceful Bike Riders at Red Lights during Obvious Bike Rally and Meet End of the Month Ticketing Quota"? Or, in the spirit of recent Portland Tribune headlines, "Bike Horns and Accordion Players Incite Angry Mob". Okay, so I won't win but I'm hoping for either some honesty or some scandal dammit! :)

Something to do with anger and lawlessness.
Something to do with crackdown.

Of course they won't mention the kids face that was cracked off the hood of a patrol car within 3 blocks of where the ride started. What relevance could that have?

mob of 30 bicyclists hold up angry commuters, incite riot, police arrest 9

In all seriousness, there were at least 6 people pepper sprayed and over 5 arrests with dozens of tickets. Tthe police told me the bikers were violent but could not explain what was violent about them, and said that they were in a state of emergency from the bike riot. Funny, that I never see them pepper spraying rush hour traffic for global warming.... That the true state of emergency we are in! Thank you all for riding and smiling! Cops head count was at 200 so we know there was at least 500 there!

They'd say, hundreds of cyclists disrupt downtown portland, yelling obscenities running red lights, and blocking intersections. Police overreacted and some got violent. Some cyclists were hurt as a result. Cyclists allowed themselves to be drawn into a ridiculous drama, but overall, had fun.

New Al-Queda Weapon: Deadly self-propelled assault vehicles used for first time in Portland, OR.

That many all together in one place? The most I ever saw at any given time was about a dozen. And some of the squads were leapfrogging the mass, ambushing it multiple times. I'd guess that there were around 50 cops, 100 max. The 500 number for the mass sounds right, once the wussy mass joined up on 2nd Ave. It's difficult to estimate.

My favorite moment was when the cops "closed" Hawthorne Bridge. I asked (several times) when it would reopen, and finally got an answer of "probably after the tail goes by". Sure enough, they reopened it to traffic a few minutes later, only to be stymied by a fraction of the mass (50-100?) trying to use the sidewalk, clearly marked BIKE ROUTE. They finally reopened the bridge (I guess when it became clear that no one was going anywhere, or doing anything arrestable). Maybe someone up front actually talked to them.

Iraq linked to so-called "Bikers for Bin Laden" - President Bush calls for sanctions against Oregon.

Crazed mob of anarchist cyclists savage cops

"Terror bikers attack cops, 9 arrested." (Ideal for the Monday "Street Final" Oregonian)

"When Insane Bicyclists Attack!"

Sunday Oregonian
"Terrorists and Enemy Combatants Converge: Police protect community."
The monied aristocracy lives on!

"Global Warming caused by wild Critical Mass riders!"

How about..

"Police crack down on axles of evil"

=v= The headline writer is deep in thought, pondering the best way to spin the lurid story he's just read. All of a sudden, light dawns, and he pastes up two words:

CRITICAL MESS

"Ha!" he thinks to himself, "That creative writing class has finally paid off. This will really get 'em', it's a Critical Massterpiece. Oh my, I am on a roll!

Self-satisfied, he heads home, picking up some beer (not Bikesummerfest, of course), which he pops open as he sits on the couch. Ahhh. He grabs the remote, only to see a carefully-coiffed anchordroid doing a short promo. "Later tonight, Critical Mass, or Critical [pause for effect] Mess? We'll have the full story at 11:00." The headline writer weeps in his beer. Little does he know that he's just gone through the same burst of originality as 300 other headline writers.