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Millions of Bibles, falling from heaven. All over Afghanistan

Soon the children of Afghanistan will be starving for the word of the Lord. I think I will write to my Christian President and tell him that after the snow starts falling, and we aren't able to move the troops in, we should think of dropping Bibles from the air. Millions and millions of Bibles and cans of peanut butter, falling from heaven, all over Afghanistan.
Millions of Bibles, falling from heaven. All over Afghanistan
-Loren Franklin-


The Blessed Cross of Humanity Christian Church, in the town of Godsport, on the Oregon coast, was soaked with rain this Sunday morning. But the inner sanctum was drenched with the loving words of Jesus. Thank God for Reverend Goodbum. He started out with a joke about how he bought three new suits since our Christian president was saved by the supreme court. He said the entire church had gained weight since God blessed the country with George Bush. Of course, he was speaking metaphorically.

His sermon this morning touched on battles being fought by the Christians of this blessed country. According to Reverend Goodbum, independent media is against truth and decency. Against the institutions of free press, which have led our country through war after war.

He told us how reporters weren't needed anymore, because our leaders make it possible for the media to get it's news directly from the Government. All the news agencies have to do now is send someone to the White House with a tape recorder and a camera, where the Government tells us all we need to know. The reporter is a thing of the past in Christian America. Reverend Goodbum says the reporter was a risk we couldn't afford to take. Reporters were easily corrupted by Satan. Whereas, the Government is the right hand of God, and can be trusted to do the Lord's work, spreading truth to all of his children.

Then he warned us about Satan's right hand man, Noam Chomsky. He told us never to read any of this crack pots diatribe, because we ran the risk of demon possession. I just hope Noam Chomsky finds Jesus before it's too late.

Then the Reverend went on to tell us about the heroes in the FBI and the CIA. He calls the CIA, Christians In Action. And I'd have to agree with him all the way. The FBI are also heroes. They have done more for this country than you could ever imagine. They took care of the Indian problem and the Black problem. And they work overtime to keep Christian America safe for Christians everywhere in this blessed country. I don't like it when they get rough with the militia boys, but heck, nobodies perfect.

After the sermon we had our annual "Guns For Jesus Giveaway." Once every year we locate those in the church who do not have a weapon. Then we take up a collection and actually buy rifles and pistols for the new members of the flock, who are without protection from demon possessed heathens. This year was special, because I was able to give a pistol from my own personal collection to little Billy. Billy is twelve years old and lost his daddy a year ago, and I have taken him under my wing. His dad was an Iraq war veteran, who kept coming down with this sickness and that, until something finally killed him.

His widow was up in arms, saying she was going to sue the government because they did something to her husband in the Iraq war. She has some hair brained idea that thousands of young vets are getting sick and dying. Us deacons got together and called her in one day to tell her how it isn't right to try and sue a Christian Army. We scolded her for a long time about needing to be loyal to Jesus and forget this sickness stuff. She said two of her children were born with birth defects from the Gulf War. We told her it ain't right to question the Lord's plan. We told her she had to accept that Jesus had a plan for us all, and she needed to "get right with the Lord." We told her birth defects are part of God's eternal plan and no woman should ever question it. It's a woman's job to have children. Let God work out the details after that.

But after church today, I took her son Billy out to the country to shoot his new pistol. The reverend gave us pictures of men from the middle east, with bulls eyes drawn over their heads. He told us we needed to study those pictures real good, so we would recognize them coming at us in the final days. I showed Billy how to aim down the barrel, and how to put the sight right on the head of the Islam target. Billy did great. He is a natural with a firearm. It feels so good to lead a young boy toward the love of Jesus.

Tonight we are going to have a special prayer service for the "Love Bombers" over in Afghanistan. We plan to spend an hour on our knees praying for our Christian Air Force Pilots, as they bring the love of Jesus to the heathen horde there in the middle east. I am so proud to be from the first country in the Western World to think of dropping food and bombs at the same time. Food and bombs-Love and tough love.

Soon the children of Afghanistan will be starving for the word of the Lord. I think I will write to my Christian President and tell him that after the snow starts falling, and we aren't able to move the troops in, we should think of dropping Bibles from the air. Millions and millions of Bibles and cans of peanut butter, falling from heaven, all over Afghanistan. Heck fire, we could drop Bibles over the entire middle east, clear into Israel. Praise Jesus. With the help of the Bush family, we are finally able to bring the word of the Lord to pagans all over the third world.
"God's own servant, Loren Franklin."

Read about last Sundays sermon here.
 http://portland.indymedia.org/front.php3?article_id=4266
Chomsky the Jewish find Jesus? 05.Nov.2001 15:11

matchboy matchboy@tearitalldown.com

umm...
I find that HIGHLY unlikely... are you insisting that his religious beliefs make him blind to the true path through Jesus?